I was more than a little surprised to see a single white woman with a white baby at Wal-Mart yesterday.

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Rating: 0

I believe that people with very neat, flowery handwriting are inherently dumber than people with sloppy, erratic handwriting.

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Rating: 1

I am having a crush that keeps on growing on my sister in law!

shameful

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Rating: 6

The more dangerous the activity, the cuter the underwear. Just in case.

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Rating: 0

My sister constantly bitches about her in laws, but she knows she’s only got to where she is because of them. Her husband treats her like shit and her kids are unruly little bastards. I’m their aunt and I can’t stand to be around them. She made her own bed and I’m glad she’s sleeping in it.

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Rating: 2

My best friend is a very conceited bitch. She has to have everything her way and gets pissed when people change the plans on her. She thinks it’s all about her. I’m happy that her husband left her, he deserved better than her.

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Rating: 1

I cheated on my husband with my best friend’s roommate. I don’t really regret it, the sex was good, but I know I don’t want to do it again. I lied to him and told him nothing happened. I know this is a secret I will never tell him.

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Rating: 2

After visiting NYC, I can totally see why my friend who lives there doesn't like black people. If you're white you're treated like scum and they will throw racist insults at you. But if you dare defend yourself or return the insults, you'll be torn apart regardless as to whether you're a man or a woman.

I feel sorry for the black people who are really trying to push past the stereotypes and succeed in life but their stupid wannabe-gangsta brethren ruin it all for them. I suppose this goes for any race that suffers racism.

I still avoid befriending most of the black people on this campus. The lot of the ones I see are incredibly obnoxious. Don't get me wrong now, I've met a few that weren't, but unfortunately the vast majority of the ones I meet are people I never want to meet again.

Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes.

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Rating: 1

I just started dating a woman.

27/F/thought I was straight.

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Rating: 1

10 years ago, I fell in love with my wonderful boss. I quit my job to get away from him because I couldn't have him (he had a committed GF), and I moved on.

I have not seen him in all this time. Not once in the nine years since I left that job have we had any contact whatsoever. And now I am back in love with him, can't stop thinking about him, and don't know why. Every day I'm tormented by the thought of never seeing him again. He is still unmarried AFAIK.

He is a conservative Baptist from Texas, a Tejano son of Mexican immigrants who plays piano in his church band every Sunday, and I'm a white-as-can-be latte liberal from the Left Coast. He's the kind of guy whose favorite movie is "Top Gun," while I'm into independent and foreign films. I've always been childfree and never, ever thought I would ever want a kid, but if this one guy came back into my life and asked me to marry him and have his kid, I'd do it in a NY minute just to be with him.

I wish I were making this up.

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Rating: -1

I wish I could have a sneak peek at myself in 10 or 15 years just so I could decide whether or not I'm on the right track.

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Rating: 7

I think most of the people I know who say they want kids will make horrible parents. Every time one of them mentions how s/he wants kids, I secretly hope they're infertile.

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Rating: 7

After a lifetime of shitty birthdays, my wife just gave me the best one I've ever had.

My secret is I don't tell her often enough how much she means to me.

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Rating: 2

In addition to the women spitting out of their open car doors every morning, I'm now seeing multiple women putting on their makeup while driving. I thought that was just a stereotype.

My life is turning into a bad stand-up comic's act from the '80s.

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Rating: 0

In the past three mornings, I've seen 5 separate black women hocking loogies out of their car windows on the way to work in the mornings.

Stay classy, ladies.

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Rating: 1

Everyone in my life thinks I graduated last May. Not one person knows I still have 4 credits remaining. I had to take out loans, since my parents aren't paying my tuition anymore (I "graduated," remember?), and had to lie to everyone I know about what I'm doing and why I haven't left my college town yet. I don't know why I lied. I guess it's because my entire family already had plane tickets to come see me walk at graduation. Luckily my Dean played along. "Graduation ceremonies are just a show" she said. I can't believe she let me walk.

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I didn't give up; that I'm not one of those cliche people who quit college with only 4 credits remaining.

God I can't wait to finish so I don't have to lie anymore.

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Rating: 1

My mother is insanely jealous of me.

She should be. I have a better career than her and my dad loves me more than he loves her. He's told me so.

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Rating: 3

My dad always taught me that only gays used bathroom stalls to urinate, because they were afraid of showing their cocks to other men.

I later found a bunch of gay porn sites in my browser history after he used my computer, so I think he just liked trying to sneak peeks at urinals.

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Rating: 2

Whenever I hear someone claim that stem cell research kills precious little fetuses, I secretly wish diseases on them. Parkinson's, alzheimer's, arthritis, diabetes... you know, the ones that could see major breakthroughs through this research. As a backup plan, I hope they wreck their cars on the way home and wind up paralyzed.

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Rating: 8

I ate dinner through 2girls1cup.

Meh, I've seen worse.

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Rating: 0

I actually am a homemaker who doesn't have or want children.

My husband and I both inherited money, and he has an extremely good job that allows him to take care of both of us. Because of our tax bracket, if I was to work, I'd get taxed up the wazoo just so I could endure having psychotic co-workers and numbskull supervisors.

I tell people I work from home, but the truth is that job ended about three years ago. Now I just putz around selling our old and unwanted stuff on eBay, pursuing my own interests, and spoiling the hell out of my husband. He gets to come home to a beautiful house, a happy wife, and nummy gourmet meals every week, so he's not complaining one bit.

I know it's horrifically anti-feminist, but we don't need more money, and I've hated nearly every job I've ever had due to nasty workplace politics. If I ever lucked into a job that I really loved, though, I'd take it in a heartbeat.

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Rating: 6

Sometimes I buy things like tools just to use them and return them. That way, I save closet space and money!

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Rating: 6

This is going to be long but I have to get it off my chest.

I like my ILs, mostly because they live 800 miles away. MIL is okay, but my FIL, while a decent guy, is a know-it-all. They are honest people, maybe a little on the redneck side. After they visit or after we go down there, my DH, who is a sensitive, caring man, can't make noun-verb agreement for about a month. My mission in life is to keep him up here and away from them.

I know what they really think: They are preplexed at our lifestyle. They think I am too educated. (I have more education than their son.) They can't understand why I, a woman in her 40's, wasn't frantic to get married and why I'm not inhaling fertility drugs at lightening speed because cranking out little miracles is What You Are Supposed To Do.(TM)

They can't understand why a childless (to them) couple has a 3,000+ square foot house. The short answer? We can because we work hard and we didn't crank out four kids like they did. (And we won't be having any kids, thanks to my sterilization surgery, a fact that is NOTB.)

When they came to see our new house, my FIL was excessively critical. Mind you, I am low-key person. I don't care about status objects. We have a nice home because we are homebodies. I don't rub it in to anyone. But I could tell our house ate my FIL alive. He went around our first floor (which is as almost as big as their entire house) looking for something to criticize. He told me the builder had used "leftover pine" in places on our hardwood floor. (It's white oak, and it's part of the pattern.) When I told him thus, he wouldn't listen because he didn't want to. He insisted on taking me around the house and showing me all the "pine planks." I just shrugged.

More stories? I have a piece of furniture that has been in my family for 120 years. He looked at it hard, even on the inside, and tried to tell me several times he thought it was built in the 1970's. I told him my grandmother and mother both had to dust it when they were kids. Whatever, Dude.

Despite all this carping, I just found out they are coming next weekend. Oh, and they are bringing two other members of the clan along. I'm sure it's to show off our house and brag about it, even though the floors are defective and it's riddled with imperfections.

(Mind you, these are people who have lived in the same house for 26 years and they have never washed the windows. Sheesh. )

My DH is taking off on the Friday before they come. I thought about it, but then I said to myself, Fuck that shit. Let him get ready for them and if anything, I'll take a day off the Monday after they leave to celebrate getting my house back.

And here's my last secret of all: Next Saturday I'm going to have a terrible office emergency and I'm going to have to work. There are times when I'm thankful to work in IT, and this is one of them. So unfortunate, isn't it?

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Rating: 10

Motherfucker, if you don't stop shaking my desk while you fix that printer on the other side of the cubicle wall, I'm going to brain you with my thickest book.

Take it to another desk. Yes, I'm fucking around at work, but it helps me to be productive, and you don't work here.

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Rating: 2

I've noticed a few odd behaviors over and over again at stoplights in town, both related to drivers and the homeless. Maybe I should've been an anthropologist.

Behavior the first: Homeless person begs for change in the median, walking back and forth each light cycle. Driver sees homeless person walking by their window and pulls forward all of 2 inches, presumably to minimize the time they have to deal with the beggar. It never fails. Watch for this behavior, and see how often you notice it. There's nowhere for the driver to go, but they just have to get the homeless person out of their sight as soon as possible.

Second behavior: Usually spotted when the first behavior fails. Light turns green, driver feels guilty, and rolls down the window to give a dollar or two. Homeless person has to walk over to the car to get the money and thank them. Light turns yellow, guilty driver makes it through, thoroughly fucking over everyone behind him. Repeat step one.

For fuck's sake. You know the homeless will be at certain corners if you've driven in this town for a week, for values of "certain" where "certain" = "all". Either have a bum fund stashed in your car, just ignore them, or have a few cans of cat/dog food to give if they have an animal with them. Don't act like you're shocked at a completely alien situation.

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Rating: 1

I thought it might've just been a few typos here and there, but my boss really doesn't know how to spell. He's made it to his 40s without being able to spell probably a good 1 out of every 10 words.

If you can't spell, and you've been here this long, I have absolutely no worries about job security.

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Rating: 2

The secret ingredient in my low-fat cookies? Butter.

The key to winning office baking contests? Rum. Not in the actual food, just in the title, and optionally in the baker. I learned this after losing to a shitty chocolate rum cake that tasted nothing like rum or chocolate.

The contest judges/party planning committee are usually 40-ish former party girls trying to lose weight, so what do they like? Low-fat and booze.

Lie about both, particularly if there's an iPod at stake.

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Rating: 4

So many people piss me off right now that I spend most of my time in public wearing my iPod, especially if I ever have to visit the mall.

I especially can't stand those mothers who have made it their quest to wipe out anything 'offensive' just so their pwecious wittle baaaby won't ever see a titty on TV or the s-word on the radio.

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Rating: 8

I feel kinda bad for men. Although women are often given the second-class citizen treatment, I get the feeling that it is to compensate for the very real impairments that go along with missing one leg on each of the 23 pairs of chromosomes. That isn't an "XY", it's a messed up "XX"! :)
There is a reason that a large percentage of men really like pussy... they would love to have one 24/7!! They lust for what they know they are missing, and that is what gives us women absolute power :) Shhhhh!

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Rating: 1

I am getting very serious with a man 18 years older than myself. His age doesn't bother me at all, however I am nervous about introducing him to my parents since he is only 2 years younger than my mother.

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Rating: 2

I truly hate christians. I wish I could say that I am not bigoted in any way, but I can't. My life would be so much nicer without the christians.

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Rating: 9

I have eaten dog meat.

...not bad.

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Rating: 2

I haven't had a shower in several days. This is actually because the doctors told me not to do it. I occasionally stick my head in and wash my hair, but that's really getting annoying to do.

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Rating: 0

Is is just me, or is "abortion" becoming a taboo topic?

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Rating: 4

Sometimes I wish I could leave her. But I look around at all of her things and don't know if I can picture them gone.

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Rating: 5

G-D.

He's not Voldemort. You can say his name. If you think that God couldn't tell you were talking or writing about him because you dropped the vowels, then he's clearly not even as powerful as a bad Wheel of Fortune contestant.

If you believe in him, give him a bit more credit than that.

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Rating: 6

I want to write a book about my life.

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Rating: 0

I have been fighting depression for over 20 years now!

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Rating: 2

I got laid on my lunch break, and that was just about the only useful thing I did all day.

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Rating: 3

I hate the National Anthem.

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Rating: 3

I think that some people have children just to prove they are not virgins.

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Rating: 13

I don't think there's a such thing as not favoring one child over the other. I believe my sister is my mom's favorite child because she's following exactly what my mom wants.

Meanwhile, I need surgery and my mom doesn't agree with the doctors who said I do. I'm in pain, but as long as she isn't it doesn't matter. She wants me to wait until Christmas to get the surgery.

I think she just wants me to go back to my hometown so she doesn't have to spend winter by herself. She needs to suck up and get used to it if I have to suck up and get used to this pain.

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Rating: 4

I really don't want to go to this party tonight. I'm expected to be all bright and chatty when all I want to do is soak in the tub and read.

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Rating: 2

I am still driving on a suspended drivers license!

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Rating: 0

Sadly, the fact that it is Talk Like a Pirate day is the most exciting thing about today.

I hate my job.

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Rating: 1

I am a drug addict. I am so ashamed of myself. I don't know how my Husband puts up with me.
He deserves better. I love him dearly. I wish I loved myself more.

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Rating: 3

I wish it was socially acceptable to be a homemaker without having children.

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Rating: 5

People keep telling me "you're so pretty" or "you're so skinny." I wish I could see what they do. :-(

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Rating: 2

You know one of those balls you can get from bath stores? You put them in your tub and it dissolves, releasing oils that are good for your skin and stuff?

I was playing with one of those last night, and I've always had the compulsive urge to just pop one. So I did. It felt like I was bursting someone's testicle. Oil spewed all over my tummy, and it's still really oily from that.

It was fun. The glob is still rolling around in the tub like living mucus. I should go get it before the roommate finds it.

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Rating: 2

I am worried about my health. For some reason I am only doing part of what the Doctor has advised that I do to make things better. I am not sure why this is. I don't want to be sick, but I just can't seem to get with the program. I know through family history that there are several illnesses that took the lives of relatives at an early age. I know this is some sort of self sabotage and maybe a little self hate. I want to get the courage to do better and feel better. I am even afraid of that. Weird, but true.

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Rating: 3

A few years ago, I cheated on my (now ex) husband with a coworker.

It was a horrible thing to do and I feel badly about it, however I do not regret it. My affair finally gave me the strength to leave my awful ex after several years of unhappiness.

I have not told a single person in real life about this because I'm afraid of what they will think of me.

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Rating: 4

I hate babies. I never smile at them. I hate kids. I don't give them nice looks either. I don't find them charming, cute, or entertaining. I'm not sure if anyone in my life, though, knows the depth of my dislike for children. They know I'm not big on them, but I don't think they get how deep that goes. If I had to have a baby, I'd find a way to make it "go away."

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Rating: 9

My husband allowed my mother in law to bring her six month old grandchild (his neice) into our home late one night "for a couple of days" without consulting with me first. I packed my things as soon as it happened - my husband got angry with me and told me that if I left right then, I would be breaking our marriage. I told him I understood that, and departed. Our divorce is finalized next month. I'm sad, but not sorry!

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Rating: 6

No, I don't -care- about your family. I don't care about your husband who's in jail, doubtless for something stupid he did. I don't care about your idiot daughter.

Why in the hell do I know more about the recent goings-on in a co-worker's family than my own family?

Because you won't shut the hell up!

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Rating: 2

Genius usually comes with common sense. Not this time.

It's been brought to my attention that people wouldn't want "semen" showing up in their employer's log files. You'd think I would've thought of that.

As such, I've bought www.too-many-secrets.com and redirected the old domain over here.

Now you may safely goof off at work without worrying about your boss seeing man chowder in the logs.

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Hooray! It's day care day at work. Yes, it's 5pm, dipshit, but that doesn't mean that this is an acceptable drop-off point for your ex-wife to bring your kids.

I'm trying to write software and fuck around on the internet. If your kids see a tit, it's your fault.

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Rating: 6

Sometimes, making it to a particular wedding anniversary means you didn't get out when you should have.

It really sucks when you realize that -- and are too gutless to correct your earlier mistake.

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Rating: 4

I'm taking off work tomorrow for a medical procedure in the morning, then my wife and I were going to go see a double feature of Superbad and Balls of Fury at the local movie theater. A fun day for all, until I went to check the times.

It's fucking "Baby Day" at the theater. I take one goddamn day off, and plan to do something I want, and it's ruined by screaming babies and a theater whose policy refuses to kick them out on Baby Day.

Fuck me. My Netflix rentals won't even be here until the afternoon. Thanks, lazy parents, for letting the talking pictures raise your kids.

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Rating: 3

Welcome to Cooty's Rat Semen, your new home for online confessions and secrets.

Like other similar sites, we discourage conversations between secrets or commenting on other users' confessions. For quite a few people, it takes a lot of courage to post their secrets, even if it's anonymous. The last thing they need is someone giving them a ration of shit because they don't agree with them. For this reason, we've implemented voting on secrets.

Next to each secret (except for administrative secrets), you will see links to vote a secret up or down. You can only vote once per secret, and you must be logged in to do so. The 100 highest rated secrets will be listed if you click "Best" at the top of the page, and will be ordered by highest rated, then by date entered. None of that will really matter until there are at least 100 secrets and enough votes to show any real difference. Until then, first 100 posters, you're in the "Best of" category.

In an attempt to curb spam, we require that you activate your account by providing a valid e-mail address. You will receive an activation link that you must click to enable your account. This should cut back on the amount of crap posted to the site, but we'll see. I may switch to the use of CAPTCHA images in the future, though that would disable the ability to post secrets from text-only browsers.

To keep things from getting out of hand, we have a team of moderators who are able to edit or delete posts that violate our rules. Unlike other sites, you won't be banned unless it becomes a problem. You can see the basic rules above the secrets entry box, or by visiting the "Rules" link at the top. Basically, just don't post any information that can personally identify you or anybody else. You can use initials, but not whole names, no addresses, phone numbers, or emails. Also, please don't post secrets containing "U" and "UR" in place of "you" and "your/you're", unless you're making fun of someone who does that, because that really makes you look stupid. Somebody had to tell you.

Also, please try to avoid any form of "Me too" post, unless you're going to fill it in with your own tales of woe.

One last note: Only I, your glorious admin, have the right to post HTML and images in my posts. I don't need the complaints that would come the first time someone posts Goatse or Tubgirl. As others have found out, you should also never Google anything I say that you don't understand, such as the aforementioned Goatse, Tubgirl, LemonParty, or Hai2u. Trust me on this, you'll save yourself from hellish visions that you can never unsee.

For now, let's let the experiment begin. You get all of the burden-lifting of a church confessional, with none of the shame or guilt. Enjoy yourselves, and if you have any questions, check the "Help" link at the top before using the contact form at the bottom.

Thanks for visiting!

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